Crazy Thoughts, Crazy Life

Have you ever just felt so…crazy? Like you have so many thoughts going through your head, and all you want to do is scream and cry and just let it all out… but it’s stuck inside you, like this black hole, consuming you and sucking away at your happiness.

I’ve read so many books on letting go, meditating, gone to seminars, etc… but the one thing I’ve taken away is this: Only you can let go. Only you can face that black hole, that sadness, those dark memories you have tucked away for so long. You know, deep down inside, how to free yourself. What are you scared of? Feeling these dusty thoughts of doubt, hate or sadness? What are you running from? Success? Failure? Lack of love? Whatever it is, know this: IT IS NOT REAL.

Those feelings you have? those are caused by your thoughts. Those thoughts you have? They come from your Ego. That Ego that you let control your life? It only originates from a lack of love. So at your core being, you are really truly suffering from an illusion of lack of love. And I say illusion, because there is no such thing as a lack of love – anything that is not love, is not real.

There is only God, who is love, and lives in our core being. We have this love inside of us, but our ego lets us live continuously in fear, causing us to forget that we ARE love. Fear that we are not good enough, fear that we are ugly, unwanted, unloved… It is the world’s biggest lie.

Change your thoughts, change your life. Your mind controls everything – your thoughts, your body, any illness you have, your perspective on life. And we live our lives, day in an day out, believing that this is how its supposed to be. Have you ever tried to challenge those thoughts? Standing up to that bully in your head? All of our lives, we have been taught to grow up and live a standard life, full of education, work, and eventually, death. Try to be perfect, be the best, be the prettiest, be the richest… and our thoughts are constantly consumed with the fear of not meeting these expectations. And they aren’t even OUR expectations! They are put in our heads by other people!

Why believe these negative thoughts? Challenge them. Stand up to them. Love them. Know that they are not real, and replace them with loving thoughts of what YOU want your life to be like. Happiness. Love. Adventure. Positivity.

How? Face those uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Feel them. Kick, cry, scream. And then let go of them… and be Free.

An unexpected journey

I recently went to see The Hobbit with some family members, and it did not disappoint! I have never read the books, and being a huge reader myself, never had any interest in reading a sci-fi series. With that being said, I thought the Lord of the Rings series were pretty great, with smeagol being the best character of them all (who doesn’t love creepy, schizophrenic, half-human.. beings??). Overall, the movie was pretty awesome! I didn’t even know what the movie was about until I started watching, and I was pleasantly surprised to find out The Hobbit was the precursor movie/series to Lord of the Rings. I saw it in 3-D, too, which made it that much better. I would definitely see it again! One of the best quotes that stuck out to me during the movie was this:

“There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after.”
― J.R.R. TolkienThe Hobbit

This hit home to me, as I am in such a transitional period in my life: working from home with my current job, living with relatives as I just moved from another state and have no home, looking for a new job that I want to stay in for at least the next 3-5 years and trying to figure out what my passion in life is. I have been on a quest to find my purpose in life, but I have given up on trying to figure out what it is exactly. Not actually giving up, per se, but just letting go, learning to enjoy the ride, and accepting that I may need to experience more in my life before eventually finding out what my purpose on earth is.

Anyways, this quote pertains not just to finding out my purpose in life, but also to my job search (and I believe they go hand-in-hand a little) – I have been looking and looking, stumbling upon and applying to jobs that I may never have considered as a career. I have been going on interviews, but nothing has really stuck. Which leads me to believe, that something is going to happen – unexpectedly, by surprise – that will help lead me down the next path in life that I need to go down. Yes, it is scary… and yes, I am fighting it a little. But that is just fear of the unknown… which is exactly what I have been trying to let go in order to grow/better myself as a person this past year. So cheers to the unknown, the adventures, and the unexpected surprises in life that will ultimately lead me to where I need to be!


Smeagol! What a creep… how can you not love him?? 🙂


Acorns and Soul Searching

I am a pinterest addict. I think I have made half of the recipes on my “food” board, tried a few crafts and don’t get dressed in the morning unless I consult my “clothes and accessories” board. Doesn’t every girl do that??

So last night I decided to make some cute acorn donut holes. Mini donut holes + nutella + sprinkles + pretzel sticks = pretty adorable food! I ended up bringing them in to work as a treat for some new coworkers starting today, and they were pretty well liked! Although, I work with mostly men, so their reaction was food? free food? where? And didn’t really care so much that they looked like acorns. I guess it’s the thought that counts 🙂

Acorn Donut Holes
Acorn Donut Holes

I love to bake! I’m pretty sure I get high off of being around all that sugar, but that is just me: the poster child for sugar addicts.

Lately, I have been doing a lot of soul searching. Interpretation: I-just-realized-I’m-24-and-all-of-my-friends-are-getting-married-and-I-don’t-know-what-I-am-doing-with-my-life. At first, I was all caught up in the moment with all of my friends, pinning all things wedding on my pinterest boards… and no, I am not getting married anytime soon. Then, I took a step back and thought… What the HECK am I doing?! I don’t even live in the same STATE as my boyfriend! I can safely say that I took a step back and called myself crazy. You can, too. I mean, I am living in a state  that i hate and working at a job that I have absolutely no interest in… why don’t I focus on being happy NOW instead of getting worked up and planning a future that may or may not happen?

So that is the craziness that made me re-think and re-evaluate my life. It is so easy to get caught up in the glamour of other people’s lives, and most people don’t even realize that they are chasing after other peoples dreams and not their own. I don’t want to live someone else’s dreams – I want to figure out what I want to do with my life, and it’s going to be huge. Life changing. And I will change other people’s lives. I don’t know what it is yet, but that’s the beauty of life – it’s a journey.

So what have I been doing to figure this out? Reading… meditating… being nice to other people… making time for myself and not letting others stress me out… being more open minded to everything: moving to another state, making new friends, trying new things (kickboxing, yoga, starting a blog, etc), not sitting on pinterest and facebook all night….. and this is what I have found out so far:

  • I don’t want to get married (yet)
  • Meditating has made me a happier person
  • Stopping and noticing the little things brighten my day and make me feel more at peace/closer to God (the ducks that cross the street at work, cloud-watching while laying at the pool, the lightning when it storms, etc)
  • I am terrified but excited at the different paths I could take in the next few months… and am willing to risk a lot to go where I think I need to go
  • I am going to get fat from baking so many recipes off of Pinterest
  • I need to find a new job

and with that: here is a quote that pretty much sums up my life right now:

If You Don't Know Where You're Going Any Road Will Get You There

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