After an intense 1st day with Tony Robbins, the 2nd day was not as long, and we had a different speaker come on stage: Joseph McClendon III. Joseph comes to talk on day 2 & the final half day, since 3 days of straight talking is too much strain on Tony’s vocal chords.
I liked day 2, as we actually followed along in the workbook that was given to us on Day 1. There was more structure, more laughing, and we actually had a break for dinner! The main things discussed on day 2 were setting individual personal goals, breaking patterns, lasting change, momentum, beliefs, and what we wanted to work towards. We were able to sit down and reflect on a lot of what he talked about, and it was a great way to set up a specific path towards our goals. Below are some of my favorite takeaways:
Neuro-Associative Conditioning: a system that describes the process of change in human beings and is based upon the premise that there are two determining reasons for human behavior:
1) the need to avoid pain and/or
2) the desire to gain pleasure (http://www.sportshealth4u.com/nac.html).
All progress comes from breaking patterns
Joseph talked about NAC as a way to cure phobias & change the way you think, just by associating different emotions with experiences/ideas/people/etc. Basically, program yourself to feel a happy emotion when encountering something you normally fear. This is one way he explained how to do this:
- Get leverage: Attach immediate, unbearable pain to not changing, and attach immediate pleasure to things you should do. If you can’t, you MUST
- Interrupt the pattern through an immediate change in physiology or thought, and
- Create an empowering alternative – celebrate or reward yourself for not continuing a negative pattern!
Example: I want to lose weight. 1) attach unbearable pain like having a heart attack if I don’t change my diet, and attach eating healthy with spending time with your family. 2) Thinking about being overweight, catching yourself & think about how good you will feel when you take action & lose weight. 3) Every time you walk away from a donut or eat something good, give yourself a high five or a pat on the back, or say something nice to yourself!
The driving force & science of momentum
- Put yourself in a Peak state – move your body, put on music, do anything to get yourself in a good mood! (or check out my last blog post on how to get motivated)
- Find your passion – find what pushes you, what you really want, what drives you in life, what you love, etc.
- Decide, Commit, Resolve – decide what it is that you want!
- You can pick ANY passion/emotion & CHOOSE to focus on that. Just pick 1 passion & run with it like hell!
- Take immediate & consistent action – create a plan, and do little things at a time to work towards it. Consistency is key in following through & being successful in everything you do!
- Be honest with yourself – continuously strengthen it, change it based on your end goals and whether it is rewarding to you, reinforce what is working, and continue to take new action
We don’t get what we want – we get what we believe we are.
Joseph and Tony were both very passionate about the same message the entire weekend – Always be aware of what state you are in – mentally – and know that you have the choice to change it at any time. We have all conditioned ourselves to be in a specific state – I call this our “base point” – which is what we will always revert to every time we come down from a high, or up from a low state/emotions. By continuously working towards being aware of what state of mind we are in, we can reprogram ourselves to a higher base state of mind, which in turn will change our beliefs and perception of our lives & every experience we have.
There are many ways to change your state, but again, consistency is key. Constant diligence of what is going on in your mind & choosing to only put attention to things that uplift you is what will change everything. I swear, I am living proof of this! From being constantly depressed, to now literally living my dream life = it’s all in your thoughts and where you put your focus. All it takes is consistent focus & belief in yourself!
My favorite quote ever is “Have faith in your ability to create” – I never believed that I could create a beautiful life, because I had so much doubt. Belief in yourself changes everything… And if you don’t believe in yourself – always challenge the thoughts that tell you you can’t do something. Because… they are wrong!
Friends I met at a Kyle Cease event 4 years ago… reunited all for the purpose of growth 🙂
Joseph walked everyone through an exercise in the workbook that allowed us to “close the gap” – between where we are, and where we want to be. It gave us the chance to specifically break down steps on how to get to where we want to be (in life, career, relationships, etc), which was surprisingly easy to do!
At the end of day 2, there was more info for those at the event looking to start or improve their business, including the importance of a team & the people you surround yourself with. People’s lives are a direct reflection of the expectations of their peer group – so surround yourself with great people, or people that you look up to!
Find a team that will challenge you, not just support or accept you.
There was a LOT more that was covered, but these were the things that stood out to me the most. I went into this event with no expectations, and a goal of next steps in life/ways to improve my mental state of mind. I also met some pretty incredible people there, including a 75+ year old man who I partnered up with for the first half of Day 2! It just goes to show that there will never be a point in your life that you cannot reinvent yourself or improve upon yourself. Growth is the driving force for purpose, and it never ends.
Next up: Day 3! For me, the most (emotionally) impactful day of the weekend. Stay tuned…
“The way your lips
Brush up against mine
Makes me feel
Touching a side of me
No one has ever known
Figuring me out
Piece by piece
I can’t explain how it feels
To be remembered
After so many years
Of being overlooked
Like the first gentle rain
After a harsh snowy winter
Or a light peeking in
Through a dewy cobweb
Whatever you do
Look beyond my fears
And love what’s been lost
What’s been forgotten
Help me to remember
How much I’m loved”
– Nina Elise
With the whirlwind of the past few months, I have slowly been changing. In the past, I had locked myself up, thrown away the key, and allowed my true self to stay snuggled deep inside. I stayed within the confines of my own comfort zone, wanting to go forward, but never knowing exactly how to do it. There was constant conflict going inside, and an unsettling feeling that just wouldn’t go away. Unhappiness drove me to a breaking point, until I finally listened to my heart.
Once I finally did that, I felt free. I started doing things that felt right, listening to my intuition and not fighting every little thing in my life. I learned to slow down, and not always rush to something deemed more important than the moment I was in. I had way more energy, and I started to love being around people. I stopped worrying about what others thought of me, and my only concern shifted to how I could impact others in a positive way. Standing back and observing, it was almost like watching a flower bud grow, slowly opening up to a beautiful flower.
I always think of the quote from A Course in Miracles that says,
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
I spent a lot of my life attaching myself to others, blaming others for how I felt, blaming myself for my own misconstrued perception of who I thought I was, or judging other people. Always wondering why someone couldn’t love me, or why they didn’t like me. Looking back, I realize that I was always going after something or someone to save me from my unhappiness. I was so concerned with these problems outside of myself, and I never stopped to take a look inside.
Once I started looking inward – I was able to come to terms with my life. I could take responsibility for how I felt, how I perceived others, and what type of life I could live. I started tearing down these barriers inside, and only then did I realize that I was the only one dimming my light. I had created this life of constant let downs and failures, and I was the only one that could fix it.
The only control you have 100% of in life is your thoughts and your actions. You can’t control how other people treat you, if tomorrow you will be fired from your job, or even lose a loved one. But you can control how you view others, and you can also control how you view yourself. Once you realize this, it is the most terrifying yet empowering feeling you could ever have. So look to others with love – look at yourself with love – and listen to that intuition deep down, telling you to be yourself with no reservation. You know it’s there. And if you ever forget, remember to break down those barriers, and let your light shine through.
I knew this would be hard, but not like this. I feel like a zombie. Some days I find myself driving around… no where to go, but not wanting to go home to an empty house. My stomach feels empty, but I have no appetite to eat. Everyone tells me to keep myself busy, exercise, be around people, but how can I? It’s hard to put one foot in front of the other, let alone have the energy to go to the gym or carry on a conversation.
Breakups take a toll on a person, but at the same time, it can be a beautiful thing. It can be wild, violent awakening of a person’s soul; that little push to begin a person’s growth, to get them up off their feet. For me, it’s a time for rebirth. It’s hard. It’s painful. I don’t understand or even know how to explain quite how I feel, just this emptiness in my heart of where someone used to be. It’s the feeling of being stuck, of not being able to go back, but not sure how to go forward. It’s there when I’m alone, it’s there when I carry on a conversation… it’s always there, in the back of my mind, reminding me of what no longer is. Not wanting to be alone, not wanting to sit in the silence that is now the everyday norm.
Regardless of how I feel, I am doing just that: letting myself feel. Letting it all out, practicing patience on my hurting heart, crying at any and all times of the day… just observing the emotions, and letting them be. This is a time to focus on myself, look inward, let go of attachments and begin cracking open my heart. There is a lot of hurt I have carried my entire life, and it is time to let it all go. I let my ego, my fear, my anger, my judgement, my lack of love for myself – all get in the way of practicing love towards others. It is time to focus on self-love, and let the healing begin.
“Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening. Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed.”