Sometimes life gets hectic. Too hectic. It is so easy to get lost in the everyday hustle and bustle, going from one thing to the next. Lost in our thoughts, lost in our worries, lost in these lives that we have created for ourselves. And slowly, we get out of touch. With ourselves, with others, with our purpose, our passions. We forget to listen to our intuition – telling us to slow down. Take a breathe. Quiet your mind. Love this moment. Smile.
Listen to those thoughts. Listen to that nagging feeling. Don’t fight it – accept it. Listen to it.
This past week, I have had the house to myself. I have felt a little more quieter and at peace, going to bed earlier and reading those books that have been stacking up next to my bedside. But still – those nagging thoughts, that feeling that comes up and you can no longer fight it – hit me like a ton of bricks tonight. I finally gave in, and I felt such a peace, such a quieting of my mind that I have not experienced in a very long time, if ever.
This thought of wanting to move my body, to flow, to get into a handstand, came to mind. I was watching TV, but made myself turn it off. This constant struggle of what I want to do versus what I NEED to do always comes up, and what I need to do rarely wins any argument I have made up in my mind. Tonight, I decided to do what I needed.
Going into downward dog, I let my mind go and released any thoughts my ego kept throwing at me. I listened to my breath, in and out, through my nose. I felt my body, the tightness in my legs, the release of tension from sitting at a desk all day. Flowing into chaturanga, I began moving. Opening up my hips, my shoulders. Warrior 1, then 2, then 3. Chair pose, with a twist. Tree pose, including my bad knee (!), ignoring any thoughts and trusting my body to move the way it naturally should. Bending down, then up, with hands in prayer pose. Headstand, then down again. Breathing in and out. Marjaryasana. Bitilasana. Finishing up, I come down to my knees, ending in childs pose (! again, my knee!), trusting that my knee could bend the way it naturally should (and it did!).
Sitting up, indian style with my legs crossed, I let me bad knee fall down, my hips open up, trusting that my body can do so much more than I limit it to. My mind is empty, and I still have this feeling of emptiness, floating. I set my timer to meditate – 10, 20, 30 minutes (!). I let my thoughts come in, listening to them, loving them, and letting them go. I hear one thought stand out – I am. I am love, I am light, I am here – and this becomes my mantra for this time of release.
Feeling the tension in my body, I start from my toes up. I thank my feet, my toes, my ankles, my knees – they are so amazing. I trust them to carry me around, day to day. I thank my knee for healing so well, for being so strong. Then I start with the pains in my body – the tightness in my back, my stomach, my chest, and my throat. A thought comes up of a specific relationship for every pain, and I let memories flood in, good and bad. No judgement, just love. And letting go.
As I go through my meditation practice, I am feeling things that are hard. Sitting with memories that make me sad, that make me cry, that make me happy. I think about what I want, and I love and let go. I end my practice with affirmations – I am, I am love, I am beautiful. I open myself up to love, to others around me. I am myself, I am the best that I can be. I am. I am. I am.
Opening up my eyes, that nagging feeling is over, and I know that this is what I have been craving for so long – a silent meditation, a quieting of my mind. I thank the universe for this time of quiet and release, for this lesson of listening and letting go.